Thursday, March 12, 2009

If I had a million dollars...

After some experimentation with group Haiku I decided that the group without cause did need some direction. I was at a loss until I awoke from a nightmare where I was locked in an elevator for eternity with the elevator music version of The Barenaked Ladies "If I Had a Million Dollars" on eternal repeat. It was from this dark dark place that I came up with the first question.

"If you had a million dollars cash and 24 hours to live what would you do?"

The answers tended to fall within one of three categories.

The selfless:
I would pay off my parents and brothers mortgages. Buy my son and daughter-in law a new house. Set up college funds for my grandkids. Throw a party for my closest friends and family. Then spend the rest of the night talking and laughing with a close personal friend.

The selfish:

Sean H wrote
1. Pile of coke
2. 12 hookers dressed as cheerleaders
3. 12 more in St. Mary's uniforms
4. case of 10w40
5. A slip&slide
6. a spatula
7. Jack Daniels
8. LeRoy

The hysterical:
24hrs and 1 Mill....I'm organizing the largest freeze tag game in NYC history, then hang glide naked around Brooklyn with a money trail floating behind me.

This is the part of this rambling where I am supposed to reveal what deeper truth was uncovered by the experiment. Sadly I found no such truth.

I am left only with another question. How does the day you imagined as your last compare with today?

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Everyone in Heaven is an asshole.

It should come as no surprise to those of you who know me, I do not expect to go to heaven. If there is one, and for the sake of those who would gain admission I hope there is, I do not expect to be on the guest list.

Why do high school seniors turn into such assholes during the last days of the school year? It is simply because the powers that kept their behavior in line is losing its hold on them. Without the threat of retaliation or consequence, the natives become restless and all Hell breaks loose.

Now imagine the Senioritis phenomenon on an infinite scale. Once you make it to heaven the threat of eternal damnation is gone. Having realized the promise of eternity in heaven there is no longer any reason to do anything selfless or kind. The opiate of the masses loses its ability to maintain order today in exchange for the promise of a better tomorrow.

Conversly I imagine Hell is a rather pleasant place filled with polite people who are hoping against hope that somehow someway they will earn a ticket out. I also imagine that the people you meet in Hell will have much more interesting stories to tell.

So the next time somebody tells you to go to Hell you should thank them. Don't worry about a thing I will make sure to save you seat.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Why join a group without purpose?

I started my group on February 15. I sent an invitation to my friends and asked them to do the same. I also asked why they would join a group without purpose.

Some of my favorite responses:

Charles D. wrote
To be a part of nothing is to be a part of something right?
Melissa D wrote
it sure seemed to be better than throwing my shoe against the wall for nought
James B wrote
I joined because of the simple fact that I have always wanted to be part of something that is really nothing.
Mark L wrote
Because every group on facebook has no purpose and at least this one is being honest.
James M wrote
The tree in my back yard told me to.
Bill M wrote
I am trying, in my old age, to do more and more about less and less. Or perhaps less and less about more and more. This group fits the bill. And the Bill!
So what does it mean?
What I am learning is that people like to be heard. Whether they crack wise or wax poetic the simple act of communicating to the world is fulfilling.
As I will show as I talk about later topics and answers, people have a need to be heard.
I hope that I am providing a virtual soap box where people can, if for only a moment, talk without being interrupted.
I invite anybody who is reading this to visit the group at:
A group with no particular cause or reason to exist.
I hope to see you there.

In the beginning...

I am not to blame for my Facebook addiction. The blame falls squarely on my wife, who created my account without telling me, and Mary C who requested my friendship.

Months after I received a strange email notifying me that Mary C. wanted to be my friend I find myself spending hours trying to think of the perfect Status Update, making smart ass comments on people’s walls and, more recently, monitoring and building a group.

I decided that I wanted to build a group of million members who would join a Facebook group that was dedicated to having no cause or reason to exist. 20 days later my group has 420 members. More importantly my group has stayed true to its mission of having no cause or reason to exist.

The group has turned into a very interesting and interactive community. I pose questions and people answer them.

The nature of the group doesn’t invite much comment on the answers. It is for that reason that I am starting this blog.